Tuesday, September 29, 2009

At the time of confession!


Rajesh along with his friends goes to confess to a father.



"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a very flirty woman."


The priest asks, "Is that you, Rajesh?”


"Yes, Father, it is."


"And who was the woman you were with?"


"Sure I can't tell you that, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."


"Well, Rajesh, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Padma?"


"I cannot say."


"Was it Lalita?"


"I'll never tell."


"Was it Sunita?"


"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."


"Was it Anita?"


"My lips are sealed."


"Was it Babita?"


"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."


The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a smart boy, Rajesh, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."


Rajesh walks back to his friend.


His friend whispers, "What'd you get?"


"Five good leads," says Rajesh


Sherlock Holmes & Dr.Watson re-visit Baskerville!



Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip at Baskerville. After a good dinner & a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“Uh…Ho…I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And may I add… what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets…

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo…

Horologic ally, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three…

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow at moors…

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. 


“Staphalton has stolen our tent!”

Sunday, September 27, 2009

ATM Instruction for "Him" and "Her" ! :)



The differences between how a woman and a man uses a drive-through banking machine. Here is him and hers ATM usage explained...
Him
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt

Her
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rear-view mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in gear, reverse
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release parking brake


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Chemical Locha!

Below given Hindi Shaayari is about a boy who falls in love with his pretty classmate and explains about his love in chemical langugage...
 


ना यह केमेस्ट्री होती , न में स्टुडेंट होता ...
ना यह केमेस्ट्री होती , न में स्टुडेंट होता,
ना यह लैब होती ,  न यह  मन का एक्सीडेंट होता 
लव को सोचा था इक एक्सपेरिमेंट की तरह !

  
अभी परेक्तकल में आयी इक लड़की 
अभी परेक्तकल में आयी इक लड़की... 
सुउंदर थी नाक उसकी टेस्टट्यूब जैसी  
बातों में थी उसकी ग्लूकोस की मीठास !





साँसों में एस्टर  की खुशबू भी साथ थी 
आँखों से झलक ता था कुछ इस तरह का प्यार 
बीन  पीये ही हो जाता था अल्कोहोल का खुमार 
अंधेरे में होता था रेडियम का अहसास, नज़रें मिली, रिएक्शन हुआ !


कुछ इस तरह लव का प्रोडक्शन हुआ 
लगाए कुछ इस तरह घर के चक्कर ऐसे 
नुक्लेओउस के चारों और हो एलेक्ट्रोंस जैसे 
उस दीन हमारे लव टेस्ट का जैसे कांफ्रोंटेशन हुआ !


जब  उसके बाप से हमारा इन्त्रोदुक्शन हुआ !


सुन  के हमारी चेमेस्ट्री वोह कुछ इस तरह उचल पडे 
इग्नेसियम  ट्यूब में जैसे सोडियम भड़क पडे 
वोह बोले, होश में आओ, पहच्चन अपनी औकाद 
आइरोंन  मील नही सकता कभी गोल्ड के साथ !


अब  उसकी यादों के बीना हमारा काम नही चलता था  
और लैब में हमारे दील के बीना कुछ जलता नही था 
 जींदगी हो गयी उनसतुरतेद हाइड्रोकार्बन की तरह 
और  हम फीरते हेई आवारा खाली हाइड्रोजन की तरह !

Buddha Story 2 : LET IT BE


Once Buddha was walking from one town to another town with a few of his followers. This was in the initial days. 

While they were traveling, they happened to pass a lake. They stopped there and Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from that lake there."
 

The disciple walked up to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed that right at that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy, very turbid. The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water for Buddha to drink!"
 

So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don’t think it is fit to drink." 

After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake and get him some water to drink. 

The disciple obediently went back to the lake. This time too he found that the lake was muddy. 

He returned and informed Buddha about the same. 

After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back. 
 
The disciple reached the lake to find the lake absolutely clean and clear with pure water in it. The mud had settled down and the water above it looked fit to be had. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha. 
 
Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said," See what you did to make the water clean.



You let it be.... and the mud settled down on its own - and you got clear water. Your mind is also like that! 


When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. 


It will settle down on its own. You don’t have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless." 

What did Buddha emphasize here? He said, "It is effortless." Having `Peace of Mind is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

ब्लॉग?

Friends, The below given blog post is to test - if I can type an Hindi Script! 


Thanks to Google, it allows online translation and has some amazing features where you type the script in English and then it converts the entire script, word by word in Hindi language. 


I am trying to learn this and put this into this very blog as a test. Its rather difficult but not impossible. Let's see if this can be done in Hindi!





नमस्ते ! क्या हिन्दी में भी ब्लॉग लीखे जा सकते है? यह ब्लॉग मैं टेस्ट करना चाहता हूँ... क्यों की बड़ा अजीब लगता है जब आप हिन्दी  लीपी, अंग्रेज़ी में टाइप करतें है...खैर, गूगल की टेक्नोलॉजी इतनी अच्छी है की, कुछ भी शाक्य है ! 

मुझे अपनी स्कूल के दिनों में कबीर दास जी के दोहे अच्छे लगते...पर पता नही की वोह (कबीर दस जी) ज़माने की देवनागरी  लीपी आज के गूगल की हिन्दी से ताल मेल करेगी की नही... यह इक टेस्ट ब्लॉग है , अगर हिन्दी लिपि अच्छी आती है , टाइप अच्छी होती है तोः कभी-कभार अपनी हिन्दी सुधरने की कोशीस ज़रूर करूँगा ! नीचे देवनागरी लीपी के कबीर दस जी के दोहे...

जब में था तब हरी नहीं
जब हरी है, मेरा मन नही... 
सब अँधेरा मिट गया
जब दीपक देखिया महीन... 


  पोथी पोथी पढ़ कर जग मुआ, पंडित हुआ कोए, 
ढाई अक्षर प्रेम का, पढे सो पंडित होए!


बुरा जो देखन में चला, बुरा मिलिया कोए, 
जो मनन खोजा आपना, तोः मुझसे बुरा कोए! 


जैसे तिल में तेल है, ज्यों चकमक में आग,
तेरा साईं तुझ में है, तू जाग सके तोः जाग! 


  माया मरी मन मारा, मर मर गए शरीर, 
आशा तृष्णा मरी, कह गए दस कबीर 


अकथ कहानी प्रेम की, कुछ कही जाए, 
गूंगे केरी सरकारा, बैठे और मुस्कुराये !


इक कहूँ तोः है नहीं, दो कहूँ तो गाली
हेई जैसा तैसा रहे , कहे गए दास कबीर! 


  माला फेरत जग भया, मिटा मन का फेर, 
कर के  मन का चोर देख मन का मनका फेर!


कबीर सूता क्या करे, कूरे काजनिवार, 
जिस पंथु तू चलना, सोये पंथ सवार!! 


  चिंता से चतुराई घटे, दुःख से घटे शारीर,  
पाप से धन-लक्ष्मी घटे... कहे गए दास कबीर... 


  चलो, थोड़ा हिन्दी टाइप तोः हो गयी ...इट्स नोट गुड, पर कुछ तोः टाइप हो गया...थैंक्स गूगल!