Friday, December 31, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011


For last year's words belong to last year's language...
And next year's words await another voice. 
And to make an end is to make a beginning...
Happy New Year 2011

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2011



To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Empathy - when there is no charge for...


A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.

Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence,
the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.

Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...

"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy.. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.

In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and
picked up the little pup.


Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.

"How much?" asked the little boy.. "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands. Show your friends how much you care.
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND. as well as those who WERE!!!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Shubh Diwali and Saalmubarak

On this auspicious festival of lights, may the glow of joy, prosperity & happiness illuminate your days in the year ahead. Wishing your & your family a Very Happy Diwali & Prosperous New Year

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Two little confused mischievous boys...

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

 The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.  The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.

 So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

 The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

 The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. 

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

 So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

 The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

 When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

 The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Monday, August 23, 2010

Excellent example of team work when...:))

A bunch of smart MBA students about to give their final paper just got nicely drunk & did not study. Next day morning remorse filled them & they thought of a brilliant idea of fooling their Dean to cover their absence. They painted their hands & dresses with oil & grease and with disheveled hair, they burst in the examination hall where the paper was going on. 

They painted a sob story of how their car developed a flat tyre the previous night on a desolate road & how they didn't get any help & had to rough out back to the campus which they reached just a few minutes earlier. 

They pleaded for a re-exam after a few days. The Dean said he was a reasonable man & he would give the re-exam after three days. The boys worked hard for the three days & went to the hall confidently. The Dean explained that since this was an extraordinary request, the four students will give the examination from four different halls, the question paper being the same. 

The question paper was given to the four students. It had 100 marks. 

The first question which had just 5 marks was simple. 

The second question which had 95 marks was: 

"WHICH TYRE??" 

That’s why..........Team work is essential !!! 

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Ethnic jokes of Tamilians, Malayalees, Sindhis, Maharastrians, Gujjus & Bengalis


TAMIL JOKES:

Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan? Comepalakrishnan.

What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy? Subramanium Didn't See Me.
How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu? Ready...Steady... PO
What do you call a really colourful Tamilian?  Rangamannar Rangarajan.
What is the Tamil name for the tallest building in Japan ? Nikkumo Nikkado
(Will it or wont it stand?)
What is the difference between Kunnankudi Vaidyanathan and  Gandhi? One is a violinist, the other is a non-violinist!


MALAYALEE JOKES:
What do you call an amazing Malayalee? - Pheno Menon.
What do you call a dashing Malayalee? - Debo Nair.
What do you call a Malayalee drunkard? - Kutty Sark.
Why do they require 5 people for a Malayalee funeral? Four to carry the coffin and one person to carry the two-in-one.
Why did the Malayalee cross the road? To join the trade union on the other side.


SINDHI JOKES:
What do you call:
A god fearing Sindhi? Bhagwandas Godwani
A Sindhi painter? Sadarangani
A Sindhi chef? Papadmull Kukreja
A Sindhi electrician? Voltram Bijlani
A Sindhi milkman? Gopal Dudeja
A Sindhi pest control contractor? Khatmull Marwani
A Sindhi stripper working in New York ? Barbra Jhangiani
A Sindhi casanova? Prem Kissinchandani
A Sindhi fire-engine? Bhambhani
A Sindhi detergent? Neelam Rin-dani (Rin is a Detergent)
A Sindhi postman? Mailwani
A communist Sindhi? Karl Lal-wani (Lal for the red communist flag)
A fashionable Sindhi? Jogio Armani
A heroic Sindhi soldier? Hiroo Sipahimalani
A forgetful Sindhi? Bulo Bhulchandani
A fat Sindhi? Hathiramani
A downtrodden Sindhi? Nichani
A corrupt Sindhi? Chaipani 

A Sindhi fly? Makhija
What do you call a Sindhi with six knees : Sahani ( Shahaknee)
A Sindhi who falls from the 1st floor? Thad-ani (Thud-ani)
A Sindhi who falls from the 10th floor? Kriplani (Cripple-ani)
Why are a Sindhis nostrils big? Because air is free


MAHARASHTRIAN JOKES
What do you call a modern Maharashtrian?  Western Ghat.
What do you call a Maharashtrian tailor? Sadashiv.
Which Maharashtrians wrote the book 'Apartheid in South Africa ?' Dhaval Gore and Krishnakant Kale.
What did Bruce Lee say to the Maharashtrian? Tumhi Marathe, Aamhi Karate.

GUJJU JOKES:
Why did the Gujjus think the man who acted as Gandhi in the film  was a woman? Because his name was 'Ben Kingsley.
Why does the Gujju go to London ? To see his Big Ben.
Why does the Gujju take a 2-in-1 to the bathroom? Because his mom said that water came out of the tape (tap)
Why did the visitor to the Gujju home run away when he was offered tea?
Because the Gujju said he would serve snakes with it.  (snacks)
What is a Gujju picnic called? A snake in the grass
What did the Gujju mean when he said, Maro dikro STATES magayon? His son
failed in statistics.
Maro dikro Dubai gayo? My son drowned.
Why was the Gujju stacking up pennies on the day before exams? He wanted to
get cent-par-cent.
What do you call a knee less gujju ? Nilesh (Pronounced Nee-Less)

BENGALI JOKES:
An angry Bengali letter? Chitti-chitti Bong! Bong
A talkative Bengali? Bulbul Chatterjee
An outlawed Bengali? Kanoon Banerjee
An enlightened Bengali? Jyoti Basu
A stupid Bengali girl? Balika Buddhu
A Bengali marriage? Bedding
A Bengali voyeur? Keyhollo
A mad Bengali? In Sen (insane)
A dark Bengali who lives in a cave? Kalidas Guha
A perfumed Bengali? Chandan Dass
A Bengali goldsmith? Shonar Bongla
What's bigger than the Bay of Bengal ? The Bengali Ego
When does a Bengali sound like a dog? When he says Bow (wow)
Also when he bharks! (works)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

(S)HE


(S)HE...
She is the Language, he is thought
She is prudence, he is law
He is reason, She is sense
She is duty, he is right
He is author, she is work
He is patience, she is peace
He is will, she is wish
He is pity, she is gift
He is song, she is the note
She is fuel, he is fire
She is glory, he is sun
She is motion, he is wind
He is battle, she is might
He is lamp, she is light
He is day, she is night
He is justice, she is pity
He is channel, she is rover
She is beauty, he is strength

Monday, July 19, 2010

English is a crazy language?

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, 
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. 
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, 
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. 
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, 
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. 


If the plural of man is always called men, 
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? 
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, 
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? 
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, 
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? 


Then one may be that, and three would be those, 
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, 
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. 

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, 
But though we say mother, we never say methren. 
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, 
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim! 


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. 
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; 
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. 
English muffins weren't invented in England . 

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, 
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, 
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. 


And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, 
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? 
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. 
If you have a bunch of odds and ends 
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? 


If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? 
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? 
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English 
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. 


In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? 
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. 
We have noses that run and feet that smell. 
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. 
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, 
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? 


You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language 
In which house can burn up as it burns down, 
In which you fill in a form by filling it out, 
And in which an alarm goes off by going on. 


And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop? 


And if people from Poland are called Poles 
Then people from Holland should be Holes 
And the Germans, Germs. 

And lets not forget the Americans, who changed s to z, but that's another story.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Success Breeds Success - it never happens in isolation




An Excellent example of Cross functional Collaboration.

There was a farmer who grew superior quality, award-winning corn in his farm. Each year, he entered his corn in the state fair where it won honors and Prizes.

One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew his corn. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.

"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" The reporter asked.

"Why brother" the farmer replied, "Didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen grains from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior, sub-standard and poor quality corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I have to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors to grow good corns."

The farmer gave a superb insight into the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves. So it is in the other dimensions and areas of life!

Those who choose to be in harmony must help their neighbors and colleagues to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others live well. The value of a life is not measured by how long one lived it is measured by how many lives it touches.

Lessons to Learn from this Story: Success does not happen in isolation, it is most often a participatory and collective process. So share the good practices, ideas and new knowledge
with your team members and colleagues. 

Life does not give chances, Life is YOUR chance to give


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Psychic Reading - are you 2% or 98% amongst others?




Psychic Reading

Are you in the 2% or 98% of the population?

This is strange...can you figure it out?
Are you usual or unusual

Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!
· Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.
· There's no trick or surprise.
· Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as  you can!
· Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done eac! h of them ... really.
· Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something.


































Think of a number from 1 to 10













































Multiply that number by 9















































If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together











































Now subtract 5














































Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with


(example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)













































Think of a country that starts with that letter.









































Remember the last letter of the name of that country.















































Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.















































Remember the last letter in the name of that animal.














































Think of the name of a ! fruit that starts with that letter.















































Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange ?




I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else! 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise. Keep this message going. This one is actually worth sending on to others. Forward it to people you know so they can find out if they are usual or unusual!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Indian movies: taken for-granted?


Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule below). 

If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b ) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie. 

If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers). 

Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained. 

The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend ( i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide. 

In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot. 

When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never a) miss b ) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2). 

Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of a) pots b ) barrels c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces. 

Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by a) the brothers b ) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax) c) the family dog/cat.

Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories: a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killedby the villain before the titles. b ) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero. c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

Above rules can be added and some defy laws of gravity if it is a south Indian movie especially starting Rajnikanth!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Where there is a will

An very old man lived alone and wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was quite a hard work for his age. His only son, who could have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:

Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden because your mother always loved planting time. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren’t in prison.
Love,
Dad 



Shortly, the old man received this telegram: ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the garden!! That’s where I buried the GUNS!!’

At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what had happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son’s reply was: ‘Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It’s the best I could do for you, from here.’

MORAL: NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT. IT IS THE THOUGHT ,THE IDEA THAT IS PUT INTO ACTION THAT MATTERS, NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Bill gates - Speech at a high school

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. 


Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it! 


Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. 


Rule 3: You will NOT make $60, 000 a year right out of high school.  You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. 


Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. 


Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity. 


Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. 


Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. 


Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. 


Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time. 


Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. 


Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The question of faith

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on problems science has with God. He asks one of his new students to stand
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes...
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent.)


Prof: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof:      Where does Satan come from?
Student: From….God…
Prof: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)


Prof: Now, there is sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student:       Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.
Tell me, son…Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn’t exist.
What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)


Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat...But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that.
There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light…..But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality.. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought.. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. to view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life it's just the absence of it.

Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? 

(The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir… The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

NB: I believe you have enjoyed the conversation….and if so…you’ll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the same…won’t you…



This is a true story, and the student was none other than APJ Abdul Kalam, the former President of India.