Sunday, April 24, 2011

What it means in corporate world

”We are a team,” means,” Everybody shares the blame”

"We will do it” means” You will do it”

”We are working on it” means” We have not yet started working it”

”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means” Its not getting done ,At least not till tomorrow!”.

”You have done a great job” means” More work will be given toyou”

”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means” I have already decided, I will tell you what to do.

”There was a slight miscommunication” means” We lied”

”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means” I have no time to talk now”

”We can always do it” means” We cannot do it on time”

”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “We screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

”We had slight differences of opinion “means” We fought”

”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means” find a way out yourself, no help from me”

”You should have told me earlier” means” Well even if you told me earlier that would not have mattered!”

”We need to find out the real reason” means” I will tell you where your fault is”

”Well Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means,” You are not going home unless you finish your job”

"We will work some other time" means "It won't work"

”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”

”All the Best” means” You are in trouble”

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Eternity

"Isn't it strange that princes and kings,
And clowns that caper in sawdust rings,
And common folk like you and me,
Are builders for eternity?

To each is given a bag of tools.
A Shapeless mass, and a book of rules;
And each must make, ere life is flown,
A stumbling block or a stepping stone."

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

So this is what we learn from Hollywood




When at international film festivals, some of the younger lot of delegates from US tell us about our so called Bollywood industry as to why women after 30’s still run behind trees…why do we have so many songs and all that., it’s time we ask some questions to those on the other side of the world…


Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.



At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override communications system of any invading alien society.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.


 
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

Alll beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

 It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off even while scuba diving.

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people whether they are employed or not.


You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will whine when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

Staying/Just about moved  in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear, revealing clothes

Word processors never display a cursor on screen, but will always say: "Enter Password Now".

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Tires will squeal on any surface, at any speed.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps. :)